I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
