I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
