I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
You took a bar mat shot.
Less talking, more tequila
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Randomize
