my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
