you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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