Well apparently he's into motor boating.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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