How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
