I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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