He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
