Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
