I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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