From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
