I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
