i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
