please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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