He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
