he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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