It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
