he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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