How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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