you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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