I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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