Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Randomize
