You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
