Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
