Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
