I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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