One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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