:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
