I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
