Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
