mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
