I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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