Did you just see the Batmobile???
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Semen is not good for contacts.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
