white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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