I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
