3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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