you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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