The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
