LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
