Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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