O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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