...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
