So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
