"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
