I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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