I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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