Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
and she was petting her beer can
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
