no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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