My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
this hospital has no fireball
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
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