does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
